Who's zoomin' who
by UnamedFreak
Summary: A syphilis outbreak in Balamb Garden leads to several discoveries. Some are sweet and some are just plain nasty. QuistisSquall


Disclaimer: Not mine. Syph plotline belongs to Shonda Rhimes.

Author's notes: This plot bunny has been bugging me since I re-watched old episodes of Grey's Anatomy. The fic takes place after Quistis and Squall entered sort of a friends-with-benefits relationship.

* * *

"Zell, quit touching yourself at the lunch table. It's gross," Selphie grimaced as Zell, for the umpteenth time in the past hour, moved his hands southwards to tug on his pants.

His face turned instantly red in embarrassment, "You…you noticed?"

"It's a bit hard not to," Irvine said, "You've been doing that for an hour now."

Zell squirmed in his seat and pulled on his pants again much to Selphie's distaste.

"Are you alright?"

Even the normally stoic Commander was concerned about him; Zell had been abnormally quiet since the start of lunch.

"Ah ha ha," Zell laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck, "I am great. Everything's great. Nothing's wrong with me."

Squall looked at him with a piercing look; a look reserved for interrogation.

"Are you _sure_?" the last word came out in a harsher tone. Zell knew right away that Squall had seen through his lie.

"Well, actually, the thing is…" Zell started awkwardly, his eyes shifted uneasily at his present company.

Seifer interrupted him before he could explain, "Chicken-boy has a weird rash."

"I told you that in confidence, man!"

"Oh," Quistis said knowingly, putting two-and-two together, "Maybe you should Dr. Kadowaki to have a look at it."

Unfortunately Selphie didn't seem to get the hint, "A rash? Where?"

Everyone on the lunch table stared at her incredulously.

The red on Zell's face spread to his neck and ears and he squirmed.

"Wait for it," Irvine said, staring at Selphie as her face began to contort in disgust when she finally processed the information.

"EW!"

* * *

Zell stood in front of Dr. Kadowaki with his pants down, looking anywhere else but at the aging, gray haired man examining the rash.

He could hear their snickering through the walls of the infirmary.

_Bloody Seifer and Irvine. _

"Ah," said the old doctor, standing up from his crouching position and adjusting his glasses.

"What? What is it?"

"Congratulations Mr. Dincht, you have syphilis!"

The snickers outside the infirmary had turned into full blown laughter.

* * *

"You are SEEDs!"

No one had ever seen Headmaster Cid so livid. He smacked the table with his palms as he spoke and the little vein in his forehead was throbbing dangerously. Quistis thought it might burst if he raised his voice even higher.

Balamb Garden is not a big Garden, so it was no surprise that Cid heard the news about a syphilis outbreak within minutes. He summoned all SEED members and senior Garden students to the conference hall for an urgent meeting.

"You are responsible to protect the well-being of our _world_!"

Dr. Kadowaki had informed the school administration that Zell was not the first case of syphilis that he had seen. For the past three days, he treated eight SEEDs and three senior Garden students for the very same disease.

"How I am suppose to trust you with the fate of the world when you all can't even be trusted to have safe sex?!"

From her position, Quistis could see the different expressions around the hall, some guilty, some embarrassed and some looked nervous. Some people, like Xu, looked around with an amused expression.

She could see several girls glaring at Irvine with pure hatred in their eyes as he twitched nervously in his seat.

Even dear, sweet Rinoa looked guilty while trying to inconspicuously sneak a glance at Seifer.

Zell suddenly found his feet very interesting, not even glancing up once when Quistis waved at him. He was no longer "Chicken boy"; Seifer now calls him "Syph boy."

"And now, you will be given a demonstration on safe sex," Cid concluded his tirade and waved a nurse over.

There were sounds of ill concealed laughter around the hall. Some people were attempting to cover up their giggles with coughing fits as the nurse pulled out a banana.

Quistis allowed herself a tiny smile and caught Squall's eye. He nodded slightly in return and turned his attention back to the nurse who was now unwrapping a shiny square packet.

"When the time is right and gentleman, you will all know when that time is, carefully open the packet and roll it onto the banana."

Selphie was biting her fist in an attempt to quell her laughter.

Noticing that there were other people in the hall that were gazing at Squall with the same looks that Irvine received earlier, Quistis frowned.

_Oh dear_.

"I guess that's the upside for the fact that neither of us are getting laid," Xu whispered into her ear, breaking her reverie.

Quistis mustered a weak smile and nodded. "Yep."

She looked over at stoic Squall who was completely oblivious about the the glares that he was receiving. A blush crept onto her face when she thought back about their _midnight escapades._

But one particular night burned in her mind, given their current change in circumstances.

_Oh this can't be good at all._

"So remember everyone, with every fresh banana, always use a fresh condom!"

* * *

Quistis lurked in the corner of the syph testing room to make sure no one she knew was around. When she had made sure the coast was clear, she made her way to the back of the line with a sigh and kept her head as low as possible to avoid eye contact.

It felt like the Walk of Shame.

The line was long; a lot longer than she'd predicted. Too concentrated on the floor, she didn't notice the man standing in front of her until she bumped into him.

"Oh, sorry," she mumbled a quick apology and hastily walked away to get to the back of the line.

"Quistis?"

"Squall?" She turned when she heard her name uttered by a familiar voice. Her eyes widened at the sight of him.

He crossed his arms and looked at her questioningly. "Where are you going?"

"To the back of the line," she muttered.

He seemed taken aback by her answer, "What for?"

Quistis said uncertainly, "Because… it's the syph line? And well, me and you…"

"I _do not_ have syphilis." Squall glared at her before she could finish her sentence, offended that she had assumed that it was him.

Shuffling her feet awkwardly, Quistis managed an "Oh."

"Do _I _need to be in this line?"

"No," she answered tersely.

He grabbed her arm and dragged her as far away from the line as possible to a more secluded corner. They stood there in silence as Quistis tried to collect her thoughts.

"You'd tell me though, if I had to get tested?"

Squall raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I know that you don't, but if you did, you'd tell me?"

He still seemed clueless as to what she was hinting at.

"I mean, we haven't made any rules or anything…we never said we have rules about our _situation_, so I wouldn't hold it against you if you went off to…get syphilis," she ended her ramble with a note of uncertainty.

He smirked at her.

Quistis made an attempt to defend her poor argument, "It sounded a lot better in my head."

Grabbing both her wrists in his hands, Squall stated bluntly, "There is no one else."

She chewed her bottom lip nervously. "Maybe…maybe we should make some rules."

"Okay." He was never one to beat around the bush.

"Great."

And before she could react, Squall leaned forward and kissed her slow and tantalisingly; a promise of things to come.


End file.
